Shatner's Bassoon

When I go shopping in the North, I find
The service is always splendid.
A cheery smile you can count on, while
The correct change is being tended.
If anyone dares criticise their wares,
They never will be offeneded,
And if it needs repairs, they'll even lend you theirs
While yours is being mended.

Shopkeepers in the North are nice...
They ask after your kids and wife...
And once you've had a good chin-wag,
They'll pop your provisions in a bag.

But when I'm shopping in the South I find
The shop-girls are all so haughty,
Standing there with their nose in the air
As if you've done something naughty.
My "how do you do" in the chip-shop queue
Was recieved in total silence.
My "take care, cock" in the butcher's shop
Was met with a look of violence.

Oh, shopkeepers in the North are nice...
They ask after your kids and wife...
And once you've had a good chin-wag,
They'll pop your provisions in a bag...

[fade]

- The great John Shuttleworth

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